I am sunburnt.
But don’t worry, it isn’t serious. :) After about 5 days of rain, cloud, and chilly weather that made me wish I brought long-johns, I was so ecstatic that the sun had finally burst through with some strength, that I took full advantage of it and spent the entire morning doing my marking and prep in it. My knees are suffering the worst, being one of the parts of me that never usually sees the sun. Give it two days and it will be a beautiful tan that I will be able to show friends at home to make them jealous. That is, until they see that the tan stops abruptly halfway up my legs and does not come near my shoulders. I beg the forgiveness of anyone I ever laughed at for having embarrassing tan lines.
Besides tan lines, and my ever-present emotional rollercoaster over being in/staying in/leaving India, things here are great! I am suffering a minor digestive setback, my stomach has decided that it doesn’t like something I ate yesterday, so today has been….interesting….on the ‘comfort room’ side of things. (see previous blog if that makes no sense to you!) Otherwise, I am feeling good. I look forward to work day tomorrow, when I can do some physical, rather than intellectual, work. Last week we planted some flowers around the property, worked on our compost bin, spread ash over our garden, and shovelled yet more poop onto those stinkin banana trees that are refusing to grow! (Dang you Erin and Carissa….did you curse them or something?!) I love coming to the end of a work day and seeing the progress that was made. It is something tangible that gives such satisfaction. However, there is an entirely different satisfaction that comes from the students here, one that I don’t know if I’ve ever experienced. How to put it in words…..
I suppose it is best to describe by example. Today after lunch, I wandered over to take a look at our garden, and Ebenezer, a younger student from India (one of like 5… :) the rest are Burmese!) followed me. In his shy, accented, way, he asked me what my plans for Christmas are. I gave him what has become my usual, roll-the-eyes-shrug-the-shoulders-and-say-I’m-praying-about-it, and asked what he was thinking for Christmas. He replied, that if me, Allison, Jeff, and the other interns are staying here, he will stay as well. But if we go somewhere else, he will go home with his family.
Hugs and pinches from Zakim, little “good morning, sister!” notes from the boys in their journals, “Auntie” (Ebenezer’s mom who is also a student here) coming and pinning a flower in my hair in the morning…they are precious. We may not be able to communicate with one another very well, but love is not barred by language.
This place has a funny side-effect of toying with one’s perceptions of people. Maybe it’s the language barrier, but even just seeing the way the boy students are so loving with one another, holding hands and walking arm in arm (which is entirely normal for all boys in India!), it makes me see them as sweet young boys, not older than 15 or so. The reality is, that many of them are at least 22, are running from the political and societal situation in Burma, and have pasts that they really don’t feel comfortable sharing. And yet they have such dreams, many of them wanting to be in ministry, to return to their people and share Christ. They have left mother, father, brothers, sisters, and friends to come here, and most are committed to being here for at least 2 years, and will not be able to visit home in this time. What an insane reality.
India has a way of decomposing what you always thought of as your life. All of the things that were important to me, that I considered necessities have tilted, and seeing them from an angle of being halfway around the world, they don’t seem so necessary anymore. I begin to wonder what life is really about. Talk to a family that lives on 6000 RPs a month (roughly, $150 Canadian), but who, with peace in their eyes can explain to me the importance of complete trust in Christ, and money becomes unimportant. Not just unimportant, but a hindrance to living in utter dependence on God. Be informed that a little boy,who most likely had never heard of Jesus, who was pooping on the side of the road (not an uncommon occurrence here) not more than 2 km away, was hit by a bus and died, and thoughts of career security are stopped dead in their tracks. Life for the people here is so simple! Wake up. Walk the cow. Work in the fields. Drink chai. Listen to the radio at a tiny shop on the side of the street with 10 other people crowded on 2 benches. Walk home. Sleep. There is no change. There is no…striving, for change. This is life. Why do I think that all of my gizmos and gadgets, my shower and down blanket, my stovetop and couches, cushion my existence to give me purpose? Am I really different from these people? I am reminded of 1 Thessalonians 4:11, “make it your ambition to lead a quiet life, to mind your own business and to work with your hands, just as we told you”. No need to strive. And yet I feel the need for more than just to exist, to let life happen to me as I plod along. The other day I read Psalm 19, how “the law of the LORD is perfect, reviving the soul,”…. “the commands of the LORD are radiant, giving light to the eyes” and it made me think, what is the Lord’s command? Mark 12:28-31, essentially, Love God with all of who you are, and love your neighbour. Well, if doing this will revive my soul, giving me light, my purpose will be to live simply, loving my Creator, loving His Creation, wherever on Earth He places me.
Now, reading the Irresistible Revolution has me convinced that as straightforward as this sounds on paper, (or in this case, email…) in living it, things get more complicated. But I’m okay with a little complication. Otherwise, what would keep it interesting!?
Is this enough, is learning this, all that I am supposed to glean from India? I think it could be enough. It could be sufficient to return home and live with this different perspective. But maybe there is yet more I am to learn, to chew through. I am open to it.
And that is how I will leave you, dear friends, at least for a little while. All of me (including my sunburnt knees) wishes you the sweetest of days, and a cheering reminder of my utmost admiration and love for you.
Saturday, November 14, 2009
Sunday, November 1, 2009
Like the Potter's Hand is Pressing on my Heart
Dear friends,
Please congratulate me….I have been away from home for over five weeks now. I can hardly believe it has been that long...the adventures have been numerous, yet it all seems a bit foggy now that we have landed and planted here at Green Valley. Time moves at its own pace here, the schedule is…flexible. Yesterday, on a lovely walk with my roommates, we got a little lost in between Bommenahalli, Muchenahalli and Shampura….resulting in the English classes that we were supposed to be teaching, being a little late. But it was no problem. …Indian time rules state that no deadline is a set deadline…and I think this is a VERY good thing for my obsessive compulsive, STICK-to-the-schedule, personality.
Instead of writing this, I should be going to pick out the songs we will sing for Chapel this morning. Jay has appointed me “music head” when it comes to Chapel and Sunday service, so I have the task of trying to determine which song the students know, and will robustly shout out during service, entirely drowning out my voice, AND the guitar, and which songs they do NOT know, and therefore will stand there awkwardly looking at their pages, looking at me, with puppy-dog eyes that say “why are you ruining my worship time by picking songs I don’t know?” Forgive me….for I think I exaggerate a bit here….however, I feel license to, in my insecurity in being “music head.” Especially when Paupu (one of the older men on Staff, his wife is my surrogate ‘maamie’ ) specifically asks a group of us to meet ahead of time and make sure we practice. I mean, come on! It’s India for goodness’ sake, it’s not like we are going to look like the polished performances of Beulah Alliance. Ok, so maybe we might actually see if we know the tempo of a song before we sing it. That might be helpful. Chapel is just one part of the routine that exemplifies how I feel here. On one hand, it is a routine that makes me feel content, something I can depend on. On the other, I never know what I am going to get, and I face it with a mixture of apprehension and uncertainty. In spite of my insecurities, still the day trickles by, sort of like a creek runs…you cannot comprehend how much water is passing in the few minutes time that you spare it a glance. In between marking journals, preparing to teach English, doing devotions, hanging out with the students, and trying to decide if I should come home at Christmas or brave another three months in India….or the Philippines…..or Malaysia…..or…...
Hey…did you know what the ‘dot-dot-dot’ in writing is called? Well, you’re in luck, because you are reading the notes of Miss.I Am A Totally Incompetent English Teacher So I Have To Read English Textbooks, and therefore I have discovered that they are called “Ellipses points.” And as such, I have realized that I use them far too much in my writing. I’m sure that if this was in speech, they would be replacing many ‘ums’ and ‘hmms.’ Teaching English has come to be my fall-back for when my teetering emotional stability leans too far to the side of “Why am I here?!” which, unfortunately happens more than I had hoped. So when the unsettled feelings come, I revert to the need for me to teach! It is actually pretty crucial that the students here learn English, considering that some of them know barely more than “hello, my name is…” and yet are having five lecture sessions per day on the Bible, which are ALL in English. I pray that God will enable me to assist them in any way, incompetent teacher that I am, and I feel like so far we have been making progress, I have even given them a test, and most of them performed decently well! (Don’t be lured into thinking by this statement that my classes are all strict and boring….most of the time my classroom resembles more of a Kindergarten-style of teaching….games, songs, and BIG hand gestures and facial expressions. This week we were focussing on manners and dining room….it is a bit of a pain, now I am constantly aware when I have my elbows on the table :).
On an entirely different track, if you would like some wonderful India soundtracks….and no, I don’t mean like the soundtrack of the Hindi movie that we went and saw in Bangalore this past weekend (couldn’t understand a word, but the dancing and over-dramatization was hilarious-it was called “Blue” if you’re interested) but a soundtrack that has been on our playlist here, is Share the Well by Caedmon’s Call. It is a compilation of songs that they wrote when travelling around India, and for the most part, perfectly describes our experience! I’d definitely recommend the title track….although, when we were in Ooti, we were singing “Share the warmth” rather than “Well” because we were so freezing. Who knew India gets cold?!
Hmm…what else can I report? I suppose that I could ask for prayer. My spirit is in turmoil as I try to determine if I am supposed to come home at Christmas or if I should stay here and face whatever adventures come. Things would be tight financially if I do stay until March (when school here is finished), but if I go home for Christmas, then I would be able to spend a little more on a possible trip up to Delhi one of these weekends to see the Taj Mahal and Agra. The biggest worry in my mind is, if I go home, will I regret that I didn’t take every opportunity open to me for further travel and adventure? My heart is crying to be home for Christmas, to see my family and friends again, and start planning the whatever-comes-next after one goes to India. It feels like my life will have to be radically different now that I’ve lived half-way across the world. But how will I keep it from being just the same-old? So if you receive any divine revelations concerning my future, PLEASE tell me. It would be most appreciated.
My greatest love to all of you, I lift my mug of precious coffee to you (I know, I know, I’m in India, I’m supposed to be drinking Chai, but today we splurged and made some good ole ‘joe’) and wish you a bright day, may you have a surplus of the contentment and certainty in your life that seems to be lacking in mine. I remain…clinging to Psalm 143, in my words “Oh completer, finisher of all, in order to glorify Yourself, grasp my heart and continue its beating; be all that I could hope and rescue me from distress. Make our opposers impotent, unable even to speak, get rid of their offending presence entirely, because Your love is full of eternal passion, for I am Your servant.” (the last couple of verses.) This sustains me...this and the promise that Shardhamma, our cook, will give me a lesson in Indian cooking today….
P.S. I have to share this quote with you, my roommate gave it to me for when I am frustrated with certain people….
“Don’t be angry because an ass is annoying you…………………Be happy that you are not an ass”
Praise God for the little joys…
<3
Please congratulate me….I have been away from home for over five weeks now. I can hardly believe it has been that long...the adventures have been numerous, yet it all seems a bit foggy now that we have landed and planted here at Green Valley. Time moves at its own pace here, the schedule is…flexible. Yesterday, on a lovely walk with my roommates, we got a little lost in between Bommenahalli, Muchenahalli and Shampura….resulting in the English classes that we were supposed to be teaching, being a little late. But it was no problem. …Indian time rules state that no deadline is a set deadline…and I think this is a VERY good thing for my obsessive compulsive, STICK-to-the-schedule, personality.
Instead of writing this, I should be going to pick out the songs we will sing for Chapel this morning. Jay has appointed me “music head” when it comes to Chapel and Sunday service, so I have the task of trying to determine which song the students know, and will robustly shout out during service, entirely drowning out my voice, AND the guitar, and which songs they do NOT know, and therefore will stand there awkwardly looking at their pages, looking at me, with puppy-dog eyes that say “why are you ruining my worship time by picking songs I don’t know?” Forgive me….for I think I exaggerate a bit here….however, I feel license to, in my insecurity in being “music head.” Especially when Paupu (one of the older men on Staff, his wife is my surrogate ‘maamie’ ) specifically asks a group of us to meet ahead of time and make sure we practice. I mean, come on! It’s India for goodness’ sake, it’s not like we are going to look like the polished performances of Beulah Alliance. Ok, so maybe we might actually see if we know the tempo of a song before we sing it. That might be helpful. Chapel is just one part of the routine that exemplifies how I feel here. On one hand, it is a routine that makes me feel content, something I can depend on. On the other, I never know what I am going to get, and I face it with a mixture of apprehension and uncertainty. In spite of my insecurities, still the day trickles by, sort of like a creek runs…you cannot comprehend how much water is passing in the few minutes time that you spare it a glance. In between marking journals, preparing to teach English, doing devotions, hanging out with the students, and trying to decide if I should come home at Christmas or brave another three months in India….or the Philippines…..or Malaysia…..or…...
Hey…did you know what the ‘dot-dot-dot’ in writing is called? Well, you’re in luck, because you are reading the notes of Miss.I Am A Totally Incompetent English Teacher So I Have To Read English Textbooks, and therefore I have discovered that they are called “Ellipses points.” And as such, I have realized that I use them far too much in my writing. I’m sure that if this was in speech, they would be replacing many ‘ums’ and ‘hmms.’ Teaching English has come to be my fall-back for when my teetering emotional stability leans too far to the side of “Why am I here?!” which, unfortunately happens more than I had hoped. So when the unsettled feelings come, I revert to the need for me to teach! It is actually pretty crucial that the students here learn English, considering that some of them know barely more than “hello, my name is…” and yet are having five lecture sessions per day on the Bible, which are ALL in English. I pray that God will enable me to assist them in any way, incompetent teacher that I am, and I feel like so far we have been making progress, I have even given them a test, and most of them performed decently well! (Don’t be lured into thinking by this statement that my classes are all strict and boring….most of the time my classroom resembles more of a Kindergarten-style of teaching….games, songs, and BIG hand gestures and facial expressions. This week we were focussing on manners and dining room….it is a bit of a pain, now I am constantly aware when I have my elbows on the table :).
On an entirely different track, if you would like some wonderful India soundtracks….and no, I don’t mean like the soundtrack of the Hindi movie that we went and saw in Bangalore this past weekend (couldn’t understand a word, but the dancing and over-dramatization was hilarious-it was called “Blue” if you’re interested) but a soundtrack that has been on our playlist here, is Share the Well by Caedmon’s Call. It is a compilation of songs that they wrote when travelling around India, and for the most part, perfectly describes our experience! I’d definitely recommend the title track….although, when we were in Ooti, we were singing “Share the warmth” rather than “Well” because we were so freezing. Who knew India gets cold?!
Hmm…what else can I report? I suppose that I could ask for prayer. My spirit is in turmoil as I try to determine if I am supposed to come home at Christmas or if I should stay here and face whatever adventures come. Things would be tight financially if I do stay until March (when school here is finished), but if I go home for Christmas, then I would be able to spend a little more on a possible trip up to Delhi one of these weekends to see the Taj Mahal and Agra. The biggest worry in my mind is, if I go home, will I regret that I didn’t take every opportunity open to me for further travel and adventure? My heart is crying to be home for Christmas, to see my family and friends again, and start planning the whatever-comes-next after one goes to India. It feels like my life will have to be radically different now that I’ve lived half-way across the world. But how will I keep it from being just the same-old? So if you receive any divine revelations concerning my future, PLEASE tell me. It would be most appreciated.
My greatest love to all of you, I lift my mug of precious coffee to you (I know, I know, I’m in India, I’m supposed to be drinking Chai, but today we splurged and made some good ole ‘joe’) and wish you a bright day, may you have a surplus of the contentment and certainty in your life that seems to be lacking in mine. I remain…clinging to Psalm 143, in my words “Oh completer, finisher of all, in order to glorify Yourself, grasp my heart and continue its beating; be all that I could hope and rescue me from distress. Make our opposers impotent, unable even to speak, get rid of their offending presence entirely, because Your love is full of eternal passion, for I am Your servant.” (the last couple of verses.) This sustains me...this and the promise that Shardhamma, our cook, will give me a lesson in Indian cooking today….
P.S. I have to share this quote with you, my roommate gave it to me for when I am frustrated with certain people….
“Don’t be angry because an ass is annoying you…………………Be happy that you are not an ass”
Praise God for the little joys…
<3
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