Last year, about this time, in the snowy land of Quebec, I was singing the song "Hurricane" by Jimmy Needham....it goes like this...
"I have built a city here, half with pride and half with fear
I just wanted a safer place to hide, I don't wanna be safe tonight
I need you like a hurricane, thunder crashing, wind and rain
To tear my walls down, I'm only yours now
I need you like a burnin flame, wildfire untamed
to tear these walls down, I'm only yours now
I'm only yours now...."
it was my cry to my Savior. As I left Bible School I needed Him to break down the protective walls I had around my life and come tearing through, burning up all the parts that were not under submission, total dependence, to Him.
And now back....home, I can look back at this past year and realize, that He did. He answered my call, and the hurricane He sent through my life, my character, my heart, was India. I should say Asia as a whole, but I think that really, India was the place the settled on my heart, half heavy and half light, with memories seared on my spirit, and joys that keep tumbling in spurts of giggles at the most random of moments. It is a blessing for which the rest of my life wouldn't be sufficient if spent in entire praise to God for. And I keep having to remind myself of this, sitting here in the warmth and comfort of home, with memories and tears flooding back, competing to fill my mind with all of the other thoughts of 'life-stuff' that is burgeoning out of new schedules and demands from the next adventure the LORD has me on...but that is getting ahead of myself.
My last days in India were a whirlwind of joy and reunions and further surprises from a God who I've discovered loves and cares for me in big ways and little ways. We traveled back to Bangalore with little mishap (save the filling of more than a few barf-bags on the windy, hairpin-filled, bus ride down the mountains...) and caught our flight to Delhi that evening, choosing the more economical, uncomfortable, and freezing airport to spend the night, rather than a hotel. It was...economical. And I suppose the greatest benefit was that I can now add it to my list of "things I always wanted to do but never had the guts..." Well, now I can glance at those backpackers, snoring in the corner of the airport, sleeping on top of their bags to protect them, and hold my head up high, because I, too, have done that! Thankfully our train to Agra the next morning was more than comfortable and after a refresher morning, we set off to view the beautiful, silent monolith of the Taj Mahal. It was more than impressive, and it's beauty required more than a few glances...rather, I needed to sit and soak it up, bit by bit, until I was no longer overwhelmed. And then, all of a sudden, it was my last dinner. And as these people, who were strangers but 7 months ago, yet had become dear friends, commiserators, and encouragers, with the glue of Christ and all of the crazy situations He led us into...were saying their goodbyes. One last night, and we were on the road back to Delhi....one flat tire, one pon (disgusting, orange-colored Indian tobacco) pick-up (for the driver...not us!), and one hour left till my flight, later, we arrived at the airport. I jumped out and ran for my gate, and thankfully made it in time! And that night I flew from Bangalore.
I left India. Without a proper goodbye, or so it felt. I wanted to cry, to mourn, as I left, but I was trapped. Trapped in that world that is between places, knowing I wasn't yet headed home, not ready to release the flood of relief of leaving the stressful, scary unknown land of Asia, and excited yet to see what God had planned in Singapore. And it was a great blessing. Candis and Dylan were the most amazing hosts, the perfect mix of caring, but giving me my space, wanting to provide for me ANYTHING that I could need, and taking extra time to show me around Singapore a bit. These friends of a friend of a friend, were angels, and yet, they were just superfluous to the even greater blessing God had in store there; a time to reflect. He prepared my heart for this exchange. This switching from scooters to toyotas, monkeys to squirrels, curry to gravy, green to grey....
In that time, I felt released from the guilt that wanted to overwhelm the delight in being home, the pressure to continue overseas, to live as the Indians do. But, as Paul says "to the Gentiles I became like a Gentile, to the Jews I became like a Jew....", and I realized, that to become like a North American does not mean I am giving up being like an Indian, or a Filipino, or an Indonesian...but that I am free in Christ, free to live in any and all cultures, embracing them! Not hiding from their benefits, or their downfalls. I can do this, and remain, uniquely His...part of a culture, a life, that will never need to conform to anything of this world, but does so knowing that it cannot truly affect the heart of what it stands for. Because my heart belongs to Jesus, and it cannot be stolen, tampered with, or conformed. It was a great time in Singapore, to rest, to be built up in the Lord, and to write down what I had learned this past year. All of the things I didn't want to forget. And it paved the way for a reunion with my family and friends that was better than I could have asked for. From the tear-stained first embrace to the giant poster taped to our garage that boldly proclaims to the whole neighborhood, "Welcome Home Lauren!", I felt more than blessed. My family has made me feel so special and loved, that I cannot be sad over what I miss, at least not for too long.
To think that I last left you in a small internet cafe in Ooty (or Ootacamund, for the real traditionals!), seems a bizarre dream; one of those that when you awake, you get a glimpse of it for just a minute, and all you want to do is return to it, you can't really picture what it was, but you just know it was great and it was beautiful and it was where you want to be but can never return. That's how I feel about India right now. It lives on in my quiet heart. In that spot deep down where time and change has wrapped it as it gets harder and harder to recognize. And I'm terrified that the time will come when I will be digging around in my trunk of memories, come across it, and label it: "too complicated," or "treasures better left unopened" because it is just too much, too lovely, too painful, too....
Because, not even a week home, and I have already jumped with two feet into the rushing race of life here, University, job-search, fine arts night, and shopping alike. I have chosen my courses for my Linguistics degree next year, and with great joy, I added the final class to my list, one simply entitled, "Jesus." Things will most definitely be interesting. I am searching for a job for this summer, as well as planning more than one "India night" to shower my friends and family with stories and pictures and souvenirs that will somehow, hopefully, allow them to peek through the window of my experience in Asia. The jet lag went easy on me, and things are slipping right back into routine. Whether I like it or not.
But amidst all this, this emotional confusion, intense happiness, and heartfelt gratefulness, my God is ever-present, ever-loving, and clothing me in His grace. When, already, I feel overwhelmed by all of this "American Dream" that I'm supposed to be living; that the Green Valley students craved to know, I need only read my letter to myself, and be convinced...
"God is so dependable. There is nowhere you can go out of His presence, nothing you fear can He not protect you from, no worry He cannot work out for good...
keep listening for His direction and be ready for change. God has big plans for your life, and you can accept them and love the adventure, or always be disappointed. Remember, India was once an uncertainty....you didn't know if God was really 'calling' you there, but looking back, can you have the smallest doubt that it was His plan?! "Walk in faith.""
So I'm walking. Into the next adventure. With the love of my life, a new, empty page, and a heart filled to the brim with memories and lessons that will never cease to warm and comfort it. How can I thank you, friends, for your faithfulness, support, and encouragement? I cannot repay you, but my Savior can, so may His blessings be showered upon you in abundance. I hope you enjoyed the journey as much as I did.
And it continues...
because here I am again.
At the beginning...
Saturday, April 24, 2010
Friday, April 9, 2010
As soon as you think you can fly on your own, you find your wings are made of paper...
Have I ever told you, that this entire trip has been like a rollercoaster? I know, I know, cliche analogy...but truly, I can think of no better way to explain. From one moment to the next, one experience to another, God LOOOOOVVVEEESS to keep me guessing. Why on earth would He allow me to think for more than a few moments, that this world is stable and reliable? Silly me...I thought it might be so!
And yet, at the end of 2 weeks of stress, panic, and a horrible ball of fear knotting itself over and over again in my stomach, I can look back and say, this work of God's is good. This time has been more difficult than I could have though I would survive (and friends, although you laugh at what a dramatic character God has given me...it is true, and I know it, deep in my heart of hearts) and yet, to come to the end, (of this loop of the coaster...) I am grateful for yet another chance to grow, to be stretched and strengthened, and learn that there is one, sole object worthy of my entire dependence, and that is Christ.
I discovered last week some news that disrupted my happy existence. Here I was, cheerfully minding my own business in this mountain village called Ooty, where homemade chocolate shops line the streets and the air smells of eucalyptus and tea leaves...content in what was planned for me here. BAM! Slapped in the face with what was, to me, information enough to throw me off my comfortable chaise and into the poop-strewn Indian streets below! Ok, now that I write it, it doesn't sound quite so bad, but at the time, to discover that my flight to Singapore left on the fourteenth....and my flight home to Canada leaves on the 18th.....was more than my fragile emotional state could handle. Wo to me for thinking that the horrifying situation with my visa in Malaysia was the end of my learning to trust in God, to throw my entire weight upon His competence. Now I was again in utter need, having 4 days to waste, no place to stay, no money to spend, and a great fear of getting lost in this world of Asia...where my identity seems quite fragile...
With this news, a depresssion seemed to grab hold of my heart, clinging to me like that one hair on the shower wall that you just can't seem to pick up. To be frank, I am disappointed with myself. Here I am, away from home for 6 and a half months now, all independent and mature. I suppose my pride had bubbled over the successes God has blessed me with on this adventure. I had thought that I was past this stage, this child-like fear that I had hoped I had finished experiencing when I completed that one horrible week at camp, away from my Mommy, when I was 8. Unfortunately.....I'm not. As Paul says in Corinthians, I must still be fed upon spiritual milk, not yet quite capable of chewing on the tough meat that the mature believer struggles through. For I am yet a child, however much I wish my twenty years mean that I am competent and in control; able to face whatever comes. Yet, there is sweet comfort in Christ's words..."the Kingdom of Heaven belongs to such as these"...the little children who need Him so desperately. Well, my need was great.
For a few days I was miserable. I don't even really want to dwell on how I felt, and I can't truly explain it, for I did not feel that it was something I had control over, and yet it held complete power over me...my heart was truly weary. And I just wanted home and my mother's arms...
And so I cried out. Literally, I sent out a Facebook post asking ANYONE who knew ANYONE in Singapore who I could stay with! And God's grace abounded. Again! Praise my Savior who knows what I don't, and has complete power over all that I cannot do. I have never experienced so many, so loving, offerings of hospitality. Friends of friends, relatives I didn't know existed, and every one seeming to shout, "Lauren, God loves you! He is going to take care of you!" and I could only say thank you. My fears were still there, but the reassurance from the Lord that no change of plans, no works of man, no schedules that are imperfect, no fear of mine, is EVER too big for Him to conquer. He saved me.
And now, now things are different. In this discovery of growth as a continuum, not as a race with a finish line, I am once more content. My emotions were still in a bit of an upheaval, even with the news of a wonderful place to stay with a Canadian girl who has welcomed me so warmly, and through our emails, has dubbed me 'like a sister.' However, my Savior gave me the blessing of 3 days at a remote mountain village on the top of the world, with the mists rising over the greenest hills each morning, and an Indian family waiting for me below, serving me more tea than I could possibly drink (my record so far is 4 cups of tea and one of coffee in one day...) and loving me without any conditions. Those days, helping at their daughter's school, exploring into tribal villages, and singing Tamil songs of praise to our Lord were the kind refreshment that gives breathe to ones spirit.
And now the countdown is approaching faster and faster...I have learned to love, more deeply, this land of India, and I know that it has stitched more than a few rows of change upon the tapestry of my character. Only 4 more days in this land. They will be full days, though. Days of laughter and experiences that reach deeper than the happy tingle of emotions, into the soul. On Monday we bus back to Bangalore, fly to Delhi, then bus to Agra early Tuesday morning, to visit that giant of tourist-sights, the Taj Mahal. And then to return the next day, and fly....to the next adventure God has for me...not yet home, but a good place. Hopefully to a time of reflection, where the Lord can teach me how to possibly return to the life that I left, how to fit this new wine into old wineskins without tearing. But by His grace, and in His total sovereignty, I know that through all times, He will keep me under the shadow of His wings.
So long my friends....
And yet, at the end of 2 weeks of stress, panic, and a horrible ball of fear knotting itself over and over again in my stomach, I can look back and say, this work of God's is good. This time has been more difficult than I could have though I would survive (and friends, although you laugh at what a dramatic character God has given me...it is true, and I know it, deep in my heart of hearts) and yet, to come to the end, (of this loop of the coaster...) I am grateful for yet another chance to grow, to be stretched and strengthened, and learn that there is one, sole object worthy of my entire dependence, and that is Christ.
I discovered last week some news that disrupted my happy existence. Here I was, cheerfully minding my own business in this mountain village called Ooty, where homemade chocolate shops line the streets and the air smells of eucalyptus and tea leaves...content in what was planned for me here. BAM! Slapped in the face with what was, to me, information enough to throw me off my comfortable chaise and into the poop-strewn Indian streets below! Ok, now that I write it, it doesn't sound quite so bad, but at the time, to discover that my flight to Singapore left on the fourteenth....and my flight home to Canada leaves on the 18th.....was more than my fragile emotional state could handle. Wo to me for thinking that the horrifying situation with my visa in Malaysia was the end of my learning to trust in God, to throw my entire weight upon His competence. Now I was again in utter need, having 4 days to waste, no place to stay, no money to spend, and a great fear of getting lost in this world of Asia...where my identity seems quite fragile...
With this news, a depresssion seemed to grab hold of my heart, clinging to me like that one hair on the shower wall that you just can't seem to pick up. To be frank, I am disappointed with myself. Here I am, away from home for 6 and a half months now, all independent and mature. I suppose my pride had bubbled over the successes God has blessed me with on this adventure. I had thought that I was past this stage, this child-like fear that I had hoped I had finished experiencing when I completed that one horrible week at camp, away from my Mommy, when I was 8. Unfortunately.....I'm not. As Paul says in Corinthians, I must still be fed upon spiritual milk, not yet quite capable of chewing on the tough meat that the mature believer struggles through. For I am yet a child, however much I wish my twenty years mean that I am competent and in control; able to face whatever comes. Yet, there is sweet comfort in Christ's words..."the Kingdom of Heaven belongs to such as these"...the little children who need Him so desperately. Well, my need was great.
For a few days I was miserable. I don't even really want to dwell on how I felt, and I can't truly explain it, for I did not feel that it was something I had control over, and yet it held complete power over me...my heart was truly weary. And I just wanted home and my mother's arms...
And so I cried out. Literally, I sent out a Facebook post asking ANYONE who knew ANYONE in Singapore who I could stay with! And God's grace abounded. Again! Praise my Savior who knows what I don't, and has complete power over all that I cannot do. I have never experienced so many, so loving, offerings of hospitality. Friends of friends, relatives I didn't know existed, and every one seeming to shout, "Lauren, God loves you! He is going to take care of you!" and I could only say thank you. My fears were still there, but the reassurance from the Lord that no change of plans, no works of man, no schedules that are imperfect, no fear of mine, is EVER too big for Him to conquer. He saved me.
And now, now things are different. In this discovery of growth as a continuum, not as a race with a finish line, I am once more content. My emotions were still in a bit of an upheaval, even with the news of a wonderful place to stay with a Canadian girl who has welcomed me so warmly, and through our emails, has dubbed me 'like a sister.' However, my Savior gave me the blessing of 3 days at a remote mountain village on the top of the world, with the mists rising over the greenest hills each morning, and an Indian family waiting for me below, serving me more tea than I could possibly drink (my record so far is 4 cups of tea and one of coffee in one day...) and loving me without any conditions. Those days, helping at their daughter's school, exploring into tribal villages, and singing Tamil songs of praise to our Lord were the kind refreshment that gives breathe to ones spirit.
And now the countdown is approaching faster and faster...I have learned to love, more deeply, this land of India, and I know that it has stitched more than a few rows of change upon the tapestry of my character. Only 4 more days in this land. They will be full days, though. Days of laughter and experiences that reach deeper than the happy tingle of emotions, into the soul. On Monday we bus back to Bangalore, fly to Delhi, then bus to Agra early Tuesday morning, to visit that giant of tourist-sights, the Taj Mahal. And then to return the next day, and fly....to the next adventure God has for me...not yet home, but a good place. Hopefully to a time of reflection, where the Lord can teach me how to possibly return to the life that I left, how to fit this new wine into old wineskins without tearing. But by His grace, and in His total sovereignty, I know that through all times, He will keep me under the shadow of His wings.
So long my friends....
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
So the countdown begins...
I'm back!
My dear friends, I have returned to this land of spices and sewage, of roadside pee-ers, and cows that stand in my way when I try to get into the internet cafe to connect with you!
These few weeks have galloped along at a breakneck speed as I jumped head first into the melange of English speeches, chapati class, goodbye letters, graduation, tears and laughter.
My final week at Green Valley was blessed beyond imagination as I was reunited with the students who mean so much to me, and given the opportunity to witness their progress and their unconditional love for me. Their joy over my return was the warmest I've experienced, and at a complete contrast from my last time in India, I felt at every moment that it was the exact, only, place that I was supposed to be. And then, too fast, it was over. On Sunday we had graduation, as us interns, all sari-clad, shook hands and posed for pictures with our proud pupils, and packed up to leave the place that was so dear to our hearts. I spent my last evening sleeping on the roof, under the stars, the Big Dipper winking at me, dangling there to remind me of home (it was hidden on the other side of the world for my fall semester in India...) and all that my life was now angling itself towards. "Two weeks" it whispered in promise. And I woke to one of the most difficult partings of my life, knowing that these brothers and sisters who I have come to cherish so deeply, who sing at the top of their lungs as they walk to the dining hall, who cheerful offer us chai at breaktime, who impressed me almost to tears with their impressive speeches in English class, might be disappearing from my life forever. As one put in his speech, "Green Valley is like a little bit of heaven", and I picture a small corner of heaven with palm trees and red dirt, the chicken coop smell wafting through the doors, where we will reunite our voices once again in a rousing chorus of "Days of Elijah," actions and all.
We departed from Green Valley and split ways, some interns heading to Andra Pradesh for a week and a half trip to visit different student homes and see some more of the South, while Rachel, Jay, Steph and I are here in Ooty, the cool mountain station up amongst the mists and greenery, where we will volunteer at an orphanage for two weeks, and perhaps stay in a remote village to help at a school, as well. Unfortunately, Rachel and my little immune systems have finally succumbed to the sickness that has been threatening with sore throats and coughs for a few weeks, and are resting under piles of blankets in between visits to the orphanage and into town. Thankfully, it is cool and we have time to sleep it off. And we have Jay and Steph to bring us home rememdies, like Tiger balm slathered on the feet, and gargling with whiskey!(Thankfully, Rachel was the only one commanded to do so...)I'm sure the mountain air will soon cure us.
I have again come to a place where my heart is confused, probably because I know I cannot settle here, and so much will happen in the next weeks. Due to some confusion and mix-ups with flights, I am having to trust God that I will have sufficient funding to get me home! The change fees are ridiculous, and have more than doubled from last time. I feel....disappointed. I guess I had hoped that since the miracle of the visa occured, things would be smooth sailing, that God had taught me my lesson, and I could spend the rest of my trip in blissful confidence. I should have known better. He, "who is able to do immeasurably more than we can ask or imagine" clearly likes me to continuously depend on Him, and has many more lessons for me, not least of them the reminder that money is not what controls this world, and He is bigger than even my bank account. Praise Him for providing for me so much already, and yet I still quiver in fear of one of my greatest weaknesses. It seems I have always failed at surrendering finances to the Lord, at having a 'good relationship' with money. Well, looks like me and my wallet are going to be going for some counseling, as I put out more than is probably wise in order to complete my trip to India the way I feel is right. Maybe I am being selfish, and forgive me my friends, for desiring so, but I want to finish off this trip right. I want to fly to Delhi, to see the Taj Mahal, and spend my final days with the other interns who I have experienced so much with. I want to conclude my time with a blaringly shocking Indian experience. I want to feel safe and protected by not having to travel alone. For this occasion, I feel like the Lord is telling me to trust Him in a different way, to not risk losing these things, and instead lose something else that is far more dear to my heart than it should be....my financial security! Please wrap this in your prayers, my faithful warriors who have truly traveled with me such distances, and held me aloft through your great encouragements.
Again, thank you for listening to my blabber...it soothes my soul to share this with you. And my dears! In only 15 days I will be there, shivering, with you, hopefully full to the brim with the hope of this new adventure, this coming home, and carrying with me the dearest souvenir, of a closer relationship with Christ.
Reunions are so sweet...my heart is already halfway there, celebrating with you. See you SOON!
My dear friends, I have returned to this land of spices and sewage, of roadside pee-ers, and cows that stand in my way when I try to get into the internet cafe to connect with you!
These few weeks have galloped along at a breakneck speed as I jumped head first into the melange of English speeches, chapati class, goodbye letters, graduation, tears and laughter.
My final week at Green Valley was blessed beyond imagination as I was reunited with the students who mean so much to me, and given the opportunity to witness their progress and their unconditional love for me. Their joy over my return was the warmest I've experienced, and at a complete contrast from my last time in India, I felt at every moment that it was the exact, only, place that I was supposed to be. And then, too fast, it was over. On Sunday we had graduation, as us interns, all sari-clad, shook hands and posed for pictures with our proud pupils, and packed up to leave the place that was so dear to our hearts. I spent my last evening sleeping on the roof, under the stars, the Big Dipper winking at me, dangling there to remind me of home (it was hidden on the other side of the world for my fall semester in India...) and all that my life was now angling itself towards. "Two weeks" it whispered in promise. And I woke to one of the most difficult partings of my life, knowing that these brothers and sisters who I have come to cherish so deeply, who sing at the top of their lungs as they walk to the dining hall, who cheerful offer us chai at breaktime, who impressed me almost to tears with their impressive speeches in English class, might be disappearing from my life forever. As one put in his speech, "Green Valley is like a little bit of heaven", and I picture a small corner of heaven with palm trees and red dirt, the chicken coop smell wafting through the doors, where we will reunite our voices once again in a rousing chorus of "Days of Elijah," actions and all.
We departed from Green Valley and split ways, some interns heading to Andra Pradesh for a week and a half trip to visit different student homes and see some more of the South, while Rachel, Jay, Steph and I are here in Ooty, the cool mountain station up amongst the mists and greenery, where we will volunteer at an orphanage for two weeks, and perhaps stay in a remote village to help at a school, as well. Unfortunately, Rachel and my little immune systems have finally succumbed to the sickness that has been threatening with sore throats and coughs for a few weeks, and are resting under piles of blankets in between visits to the orphanage and into town. Thankfully, it is cool and we have time to sleep it off. And we have Jay and Steph to bring us home rememdies, like Tiger balm slathered on the feet, and gargling with whiskey!(Thankfully, Rachel was the only one commanded to do so...)I'm sure the mountain air will soon cure us.
I have again come to a place where my heart is confused, probably because I know I cannot settle here, and so much will happen in the next weeks. Due to some confusion and mix-ups with flights, I am having to trust God that I will have sufficient funding to get me home! The change fees are ridiculous, and have more than doubled from last time. I feel....disappointed. I guess I had hoped that since the miracle of the visa occured, things would be smooth sailing, that God had taught me my lesson, and I could spend the rest of my trip in blissful confidence. I should have known better. He, "who is able to do immeasurably more than we can ask or imagine" clearly likes me to continuously depend on Him, and has many more lessons for me, not least of them the reminder that money is not what controls this world, and He is bigger than even my bank account. Praise Him for providing for me so much already, and yet I still quiver in fear of one of my greatest weaknesses. It seems I have always failed at surrendering finances to the Lord, at having a 'good relationship' with money. Well, looks like me and my wallet are going to be going for some counseling, as I put out more than is probably wise in order to complete my trip to India the way I feel is right. Maybe I am being selfish, and forgive me my friends, for desiring so, but I want to finish off this trip right. I want to fly to Delhi, to see the Taj Mahal, and spend my final days with the other interns who I have experienced so much with. I want to conclude my time with a blaringly shocking Indian experience. I want to feel safe and protected by not having to travel alone. For this occasion, I feel like the Lord is telling me to trust Him in a different way, to not risk losing these things, and instead lose something else that is far more dear to my heart than it should be....my financial security! Please wrap this in your prayers, my faithful warriors who have truly traveled with me such distances, and held me aloft through your great encouragements.
Again, thank you for listening to my blabber...it soothes my soul to share this with you. And my dears! In only 15 days I will be there, shivering, with you, hopefully full to the brim with the hope of this new adventure, this coming home, and carrying with me the dearest souvenir, of a closer relationship with Christ.
Reunions are so sweet...my heart is already halfway there, celebrating with you. See you SOON!
Monday, March 15, 2010
Miracles really DO happen! And not just at Christmas time!!!
Praise God!
Seriously. Do it. Right now! Cause He is worthy! I am trying to remind myself of this as I go about this day, still unbelieving that only 24 hours ago I was still just praying that God would give me my Indian visa, eventually, and utterly resigned to the fact that I'd have to move my flight.
NOT ANYMORE!
For the Lord is able to do more than we ask or imagine!
I went into the High Commission yesterday in faith that God was doing something bigger than myself, just hoping that they would be able to hurry up the process if they knew that I was putting the pressure on! Well, upon arrival to the High Commission, which was blessedly much less busy than the previous visit, (and surprisingly air conditioned...they must have read my last post! :)) I stood in line a while, was asked to have a seat while they checked, and then called up to the counter to be informed....
"your visa is ready. You can submit your passport tomorrow."
Hallelujah!
I decided to bite the bullet and try to get into the visa centre to submit my passport right away, and with a few phone calls and some more waiting, they accepted my passport and fee (of course, they WOULD accept the fee!) and told me it would be ready by Tuesday at 5 pm. Seriously, this is two days before it was supposed to come through!
As the Lord teaches me more and more about having faith in Him, I am amazed that He continues to make it practical by proving His absolute sovereignty in my life. I read in Colossians today, "and you have been given fullness in Christ, who is the head over every power and authority." It is hard to believe, but absolute truth, that the Lord has control over all of the rules of this world! Nothing has power except that which has been given from above! How awesome to think...the basic principles of this Earth are falsehood in comparison to the truth of God's reign...how can we consider ourselves withheld, controlled, in any way? This is sweet freedom.
Thank you for your prayers, my wonderful friends! I have never felt so wrapped in the support of so many people from across the world. I can offer nothing in return except my own heartfelt prayers in return, asking the Lord to pour a blessing upon your life for blessing mine!
Tomorrow shall be the great bus adventure to Singapore (2 hrs to Kuala Lumpur + 6 hrs to Singapore + 3 hrs flight to Bangalore + 1 hr taxi ride to Green Valley = a long day! (and a sore bum!)) but today remains a day of rejoicing and peace. And I just might go eat some brownies to celebrate. Thanks, LORD. (for visas and brownies alike...<3)
Seriously. Do it. Right now! Cause He is worthy! I am trying to remind myself of this as I go about this day, still unbelieving that only 24 hours ago I was still just praying that God would give me my Indian visa, eventually, and utterly resigned to the fact that I'd have to move my flight.
NOT ANYMORE!
For the Lord is able to do more than we ask or imagine!
I went into the High Commission yesterday in faith that God was doing something bigger than myself, just hoping that they would be able to hurry up the process if they knew that I was putting the pressure on! Well, upon arrival to the High Commission, which was blessedly much less busy than the previous visit, (and surprisingly air conditioned...they must have read my last post! :)) I stood in line a while, was asked to have a seat while they checked, and then called up to the counter to be informed....
"your visa is ready. You can submit your passport tomorrow."
Hallelujah!
I decided to bite the bullet and try to get into the visa centre to submit my passport right away, and with a few phone calls and some more waiting, they accepted my passport and fee (of course, they WOULD accept the fee!) and told me it would be ready by Tuesday at 5 pm. Seriously, this is two days before it was supposed to come through!
As the Lord teaches me more and more about having faith in Him, I am amazed that He continues to make it practical by proving His absolute sovereignty in my life. I read in Colossians today, "and you have been given fullness in Christ, who is the head over every power and authority." It is hard to believe, but absolute truth, that the Lord has control over all of the rules of this world! Nothing has power except that which has been given from above! How awesome to think...the basic principles of this Earth are falsehood in comparison to the truth of God's reign...how can we consider ourselves withheld, controlled, in any way? This is sweet freedom.
Thank you for your prayers, my wonderful friends! I have never felt so wrapped in the support of so many people from across the world. I can offer nothing in return except my own heartfelt prayers in return, asking the Lord to pour a blessing upon your life for blessing mine!
Tomorrow shall be the great bus adventure to Singapore (2 hrs to Kuala Lumpur + 6 hrs to Singapore + 3 hrs flight to Bangalore + 1 hr taxi ride to Green Valley = a long day! (and a sore bum!)) but today remains a day of rejoicing and peace. And I just might go eat some brownies to celebrate. Thanks, LORD. (for visas and brownies alike...<3)
Sunday, March 14, 2010
A (senior) officer and (NOT) a gentleman (and me...fighting....at the visa office)
“Trust in the Lord with all your heart, lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight.”
“You hem me in, behind and before, You have laid Your hand upon me. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain”
“We are given no miraculous signs, no prophets are left, and none of us knows how long this will be”
These are my Bible verses of the week. <3. Maybe a bit paradoxical? But fitting nonetheless. My friends, if you will, please listen to my tale, for it is quite a tale to tell…
My weeks in Indonesia passed swiftly and joyfully, filled with slobbery hugs from 4 yr. olds, storybooks to read and exclaim over, and joke-filled after-school volleyball. My host family was sweeter than could be imagined, and I felt as if I were in the most secure of hands; treating me to everything I could desire, and caring for me like a daughter. The weeks were fun-filled and adventurous, I was not lying when I said I got a picture with a cheetah (and an orangutan!), but I can now include in my list that I have successfully managed my first Aikido class without killing myself (although I did come away quite bruised!), and had lunch at the Indonesian President’s palace (although the President himself was unfortunately busy, doing heaven’s knows what (leading the country, perhaps? And not exactly concerned about the reunion of my host family’s University class)). Again, I felt slightly guilty at the pleasures I was afforded, knowing that I have come to Asia to sacrifice my time and efforts to help others come to know Christ. Still, God was using this time in a big way to prepare me for all that lay ahead (don’t worry, I’ll fill you in on all the wretched details later…). I was incredibly blessed by the teachers at the school, some passionate Indonesian girls, and friendly, laid-back Aussies, there was even a gentleman from Texas teaching English with a drawl. I was afforded the opportunity to teach, play, and love the students at the International School that my host family’s daughter attended, as well as give my testimony at their church. It seems an insignificant offering, and yet God knows, my full heart was in it, and the comfort surrounding me helped placate the storm brewing in my heart.
You see, after spending weeks with Jason Martens in the Philippines, my mind had been expanded on the theology of what I believe. I was challenged and beaten with the truth (don’t worry, not literally, but Jay had some serious points to be made!) and it began to whirl around in my head and toy with what I thought I was once certain of. In Jay’s arguments on predestination I could only sit there and agree that the Scripture was very clear, and wish that I could somehow discover a way to get around what I found a very troubling truth. God chose His children before they were made. It is only by His work in us that we are saved; we do not even have the ability to crawl to Him. Yet how can I reconcile this? My God, my Father, choosing some of his children for paradise, and in essence, others for eternal hell? How can He do this? How is it glorifying to Him to send those He creates to damnation in order to prove to those He does save, that they did not deserve the saving? I could not rid my mind of these disturbing thoughts. They invaded my meditation, my Bible reading, the church services I attended. My turmoil continued amidst the beautiful peace of my surroundings, and I was grateful for the Lord’s provision: that when it was storming inside, there was solace in the comfortable routine of my everyday life. I wish I could say that in some burst of brilliance, Christ has revealed to me the understanding of this concept, but it would be false. In reading through Romans I find it obviously stated that God chooses who will be saved, yet I still do not want to believe it. I have, however, surrendered it all to the Lord, and prayed that in time, understanding will come. That in seeing this side of my Creator, who I so often shrink to the paltry magnitude of a Teddy Bear, I will grow in depth of relationship with Him, as I see Him as He truly is. And at this time, I do not mind admitting that I do not have the answer to this question of doctrine, but also beg for reprieve due to the nature of our Lord; He is as unsearchable as the heavens, and His ways, no one can comprehend.
My dears, might I beg you to read on? For my story is not yet complete, though I fear to bore you. I can promise, however, that this next bit will spark at least some vestige of passion in you, if I can convey the frustration of my situation properly…
I left Indonesia, alone, on the 9th of March. Traveling solo was a new experience for me, and although taxing on my shoulders (a backpack, a purse, and two duffel bags are no mean feat to carry!), I feel I managed quite competently. I was able to check myself into the nearby hotel, and even find some semi-healthy dinner to eat. The next morning, I was up early and ready for my next quest. The task? Find my way to the Indian High Commission in Kuala Lumpur, and get them to give me a new tourist visa. While some may think this would be a trivial mission, others may know the perils that awaited me at the stuffy, stinky, crowded, building some call the High Commission, but I lovingly dub… “The house of torture.”
My access was barred almost immediately after stepping out of my cab, having already bussed into the heart of the city, and I had to convince the guard at the entryway, to let me pass. Thankfully my magic password got me through (NO, I cannot tell you what it is, otherwise, EVERYONE would be able to get into the joyful paradise of the Indian Consulate!) When I entered in the puny room that already held WAY too many sweating Indian and Malaysian people, (I suppose they were trying to emulate what it really is like in India…no Air Conditioning!) I falteringly glanced around for some sign to tell me where my inquiry could be made. Thankfully, it was at the end of the shorter of the two lines, and me and all my baggage quickly found our place fighting for a chance at the counter. After waiting more than 20 minutes, a surly lady (seriously, who is that grumpy at only 10 in the morning? Your day could not have started off THAT bad…) finally opened the window, and the line started moving. When I reached the front I put on my friendliest of smiles and posed my query, and was responded to with a frown and immediate suspicion. “I’ll have to check your passport with my senior officer” said the miserly woman, “have a seat.” What was I to do but follow orders?! So I sat. And sat. After another 20 minutes, I got in line again, thinking “at least they could give me the form to fill out while I wait.” When I again reached the front, she gave me one glance, would not even let me begin my sentence, and stated, flat out, “you can’t get another visa.” WHY!? Was the word exploding in my mind, and what followed was the biggest, most frustrating argument of my life. Here is a tip: Don’t try to argue with reason with a grumpy person who holds the trump card in his/her hand and doesn’t feel like wasting their time on you. They will always win. Her reasons? “Why do you want to go back to India? You’ve already spent 4 months there, and that is enough time to see it.” Was she serious?! Was this some kind of cruel joke? I realized my calamity when she gave up even trying to talk to me, gave me the “talk-to-the-hand” wave, and left, only to return with her senior officer. Again I voiced my argument, “all I want to do is go back to India, I am just a tourist, I have stayed for some time visiting friends at a small school, helping them a bit, and also traveling around to see different parts of the South. My friends (not to mention all of my luggage!) are waiting for me in India, I even have a flight booked home from there!” The rebuttal: (do your best to imagine a tall, thin Indian man saying this in an Indian accent) “why do you want to go to India? I don’t believe you are a tourist, you are trying to get the wrong type of visa, if you are staying at a school, you should get a student visa, you need to go back to your country and apply from there, I know, I am from India, you do not need more than four months to see it, I do not believe you…” and so the argument would have continued on for eternity (with me intermittently crying, begging, and yelling while his steely eyes remained pitiless) but for the ONE trick I had up my sleeve….
“my camera! Do you want to see pictures, I can SHOW you what I have been doing in India!!!”
And praise God, he said yes. So I showed him. I went through images that made me smile through tears of frustration (ok, so I wasn’t REALLY crying, you know I have problems with my tear ducts, but my eyes were kind of watery!), of the students, of my garden, my joy over eating the beans I had planted, making silly faces as we worked on workday, traveling to Pondichery at Christmas, finding a French café with real crepes (!!!). Pictures of trucks filled with green bananas, skeletal street dogs digging through trash, cows walking on the beach…
I want to go back to India.
With a grim look, the officer said, “I have to check with my senior officer” (how many senior officers can there be!?) and left. I stood there praying, pleading with Jesus to let him have mercy, to give me this chance. And he returned with an application form!
All was good in paradise, right?
Well, I still had to bring my application to another location, fill out a different application, pay my fee, and find my way to Harvest Haven (another bus ride) while lugging all my stuff, to settle there and wait. And TRY not to worry. Trying. REALLY hard. And learn what it is to wait. Wait patiently. And that does not just mean sitting, it means so much more. It means trusting. In an all-powerful God who works miracles for small girls in big, scary places.
And so I am back in this place of learning. Learning to be grateful for that nice, comfortable time I had in Indonesia. Learning to hope for a miracle (you see, the visa could take as many as 10 days from when I dropped it off……and my flight is in 8….). And above all, still, still I am learning just how much this Jesus loves me and has a plan for my future.
So, although some days (…hours…..moments…) I feel miserable, and some I am filled with hope, I continue to be kept afloat by prayers from you! My precious loved ones. How can I properly thank you? Perhaps by ending this so you can go on with your day, and hoping that you were entertained by my tale? Sharing it with you lightens my heart, and renews my hopes. I stay in trust, (in between bouts of chronic worrying), and can joyfully say, with my full heart,
“But as for me, it is good to be near God. I have made the Sovereign LORD my refuge, from-grumpy-difficult-apathetic-visa-people; I will tell of all Your deeds, including-miracles-of-contact-with-my-family-at-unlikely-times.” (paraphrased, Lauren-version)
Aaaaay….men.
“You hem me in, behind and before, You have laid Your hand upon me. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain”
“We are given no miraculous signs, no prophets are left, and none of us knows how long this will be”
These are my Bible verses of the week. <3. Maybe a bit paradoxical? But fitting nonetheless. My friends, if you will, please listen to my tale, for it is quite a tale to tell…
My weeks in Indonesia passed swiftly and joyfully, filled with slobbery hugs from 4 yr. olds, storybooks to read and exclaim over, and joke-filled after-school volleyball. My host family was sweeter than could be imagined, and I felt as if I were in the most secure of hands; treating me to everything I could desire, and caring for me like a daughter. The weeks were fun-filled and adventurous, I was not lying when I said I got a picture with a cheetah (and an orangutan!), but I can now include in my list that I have successfully managed my first Aikido class without killing myself (although I did come away quite bruised!), and had lunch at the Indonesian President’s palace (although the President himself was unfortunately busy, doing heaven’s knows what (leading the country, perhaps? And not exactly concerned about the reunion of my host family’s University class)). Again, I felt slightly guilty at the pleasures I was afforded, knowing that I have come to Asia to sacrifice my time and efforts to help others come to know Christ. Still, God was using this time in a big way to prepare me for all that lay ahead (don’t worry, I’ll fill you in on all the wretched details later…). I was incredibly blessed by the teachers at the school, some passionate Indonesian girls, and friendly, laid-back Aussies, there was even a gentleman from Texas teaching English with a drawl. I was afforded the opportunity to teach, play, and love the students at the International School that my host family’s daughter attended, as well as give my testimony at their church. It seems an insignificant offering, and yet God knows, my full heart was in it, and the comfort surrounding me helped placate the storm brewing in my heart.
You see, after spending weeks with Jason Martens in the Philippines, my mind had been expanded on the theology of what I believe. I was challenged and beaten with the truth (don’t worry, not literally, but Jay had some serious points to be made!) and it began to whirl around in my head and toy with what I thought I was once certain of. In Jay’s arguments on predestination I could only sit there and agree that the Scripture was very clear, and wish that I could somehow discover a way to get around what I found a very troubling truth. God chose His children before they were made. It is only by His work in us that we are saved; we do not even have the ability to crawl to Him. Yet how can I reconcile this? My God, my Father, choosing some of his children for paradise, and in essence, others for eternal hell? How can He do this? How is it glorifying to Him to send those He creates to damnation in order to prove to those He does save, that they did not deserve the saving? I could not rid my mind of these disturbing thoughts. They invaded my meditation, my Bible reading, the church services I attended. My turmoil continued amidst the beautiful peace of my surroundings, and I was grateful for the Lord’s provision: that when it was storming inside, there was solace in the comfortable routine of my everyday life. I wish I could say that in some burst of brilliance, Christ has revealed to me the understanding of this concept, but it would be false. In reading through Romans I find it obviously stated that God chooses who will be saved, yet I still do not want to believe it. I have, however, surrendered it all to the Lord, and prayed that in time, understanding will come. That in seeing this side of my Creator, who I so often shrink to the paltry magnitude of a Teddy Bear, I will grow in depth of relationship with Him, as I see Him as He truly is. And at this time, I do not mind admitting that I do not have the answer to this question of doctrine, but also beg for reprieve due to the nature of our Lord; He is as unsearchable as the heavens, and His ways, no one can comprehend.
My dears, might I beg you to read on? For my story is not yet complete, though I fear to bore you. I can promise, however, that this next bit will spark at least some vestige of passion in you, if I can convey the frustration of my situation properly…
I left Indonesia, alone, on the 9th of March. Traveling solo was a new experience for me, and although taxing on my shoulders (a backpack, a purse, and two duffel bags are no mean feat to carry!), I feel I managed quite competently. I was able to check myself into the nearby hotel, and even find some semi-healthy dinner to eat. The next morning, I was up early and ready for my next quest. The task? Find my way to the Indian High Commission in Kuala Lumpur, and get them to give me a new tourist visa. While some may think this would be a trivial mission, others may know the perils that awaited me at the stuffy, stinky, crowded, building some call the High Commission, but I lovingly dub… “The house of torture.”
My access was barred almost immediately after stepping out of my cab, having already bussed into the heart of the city, and I had to convince the guard at the entryway, to let me pass. Thankfully my magic password got me through (NO, I cannot tell you what it is, otherwise, EVERYONE would be able to get into the joyful paradise of the Indian Consulate!) When I entered in the puny room that already held WAY too many sweating Indian and Malaysian people, (I suppose they were trying to emulate what it really is like in India…no Air Conditioning!) I falteringly glanced around for some sign to tell me where my inquiry could be made. Thankfully, it was at the end of the shorter of the two lines, and me and all my baggage quickly found our place fighting for a chance at the counter. After waiting more than 20 minutes, a surly lady (seriously, who is that grumpy at only 10 in the morning? Your day could not have started off THAT bad…) finally opened the window, and the line started moving. When I reached the front I put on my friendliest of smiles and posed my query, and was responded to with a frown and immediate suspicion. “I’ll have to check your passport with my senior officer” said the miserly woman, “have a seat.” What was I to do but follow orders?! So I sat. And sat. After another 20 minutes, I got in line again, thinking “at least they could give me the form to fill out while I wait.” When I again reached the front, she gave me one glance, would not even let me begin my sentence, and stated, flat out, “you can’t get another visa.” WHY!? Was the word exploding in my mind, and what followed was the biggest, most frustrating argument of my life. Here is a tip: Don’t try to argue with reason with a grumpy person who holds the trump card in his/her hand and doesn’t feel like wasting their time on you. They will always win. Her reasons? “Why do you want to go back to India? You’ve already spent 4 months there, and that is enough time to see it.” Was she serious?! Was this some kind of cruel joke? I realized my calamity when she gave up even trying to talk to me, gave me the “talk-to-the-hand” wave, and left, only to return with her senior officer. Again I voiced my argument, “all I want to do is go back to India, I am just a tourist, I have stayed for some time visiting friends at a small school, helping them a bit, and also traveling around to see different parts of the South. My friends (not to mention all of my luggage!) are waiting for me in India, I even have a flight booked home from there!” The rebuttal: (do your best to imagine a tall, thin Indian man saying this in an Indian accent) “why do you want to go to India? I don’t believe you are a tourist, you are trying to get the wrong type of visa, if you are staying at a school, you should get a student visa, you need to go back to your country and apply from there, I know, I am from India, you do not need more than four months to see it, I do not believe you…” and so the argument would have continued on for eternity (with me intermittently crying, begging, and yelling while his steely eyes remained pitiless) but for the ONE trick I had up my sleeve….
“my camera! Do you want to see pictures, I can SHOW you what I have been doing in India!!!”
And praise God, he said yes. So I showed him. I went through images that made me smile through tears of frustration (ok, so I wasn’t REALLY crying, you know I have problems with my tear ducts, but my eyes were kind of watery!), of the students, of my garden, my joy over eating the beans I had planted, making silly faces as we worked on workday, traveling to Pondichery at Christmas, finding a French café with real crepes (!!!). Pictures of trucks filled with green bananas, skeletal street dogs digging through trash, cows walking on the beach…
I want to go back to India.
With a grim look, the officer said, “I have to check with my senior officer” (how many senior officers can there be!?) and left. I stood there praying, pleading with Jesus to let him have mercy, to give me this chance. And he returned with an application form!
All was good in paradise, right?
Well, I still had to bring my application to another location, fill out a different application, pay my fee, and find my way to Harvest Haven (another bus ride) while lugging all my stuff, to settle there and wait. And TRY not to worry. Trying. REALLY hard. And learn what it is to wait. Wait patiently. And that does not just mean sitting, it means so much more. It means trusting. In an all-powerful God who works miracles for small girls in big, scary places.
And so I am back in this place of learning. Learning to be grateful for that nice, comfortable time I had in Indonesia. Learning to hope for a miracle (you see, the visa could take as many as 10 days from when I dropped it off……and my flight is in 8….). And above all, still, still I am learning just how much this Jesus loves me and has a plan for my future.
So, although some days (…hours…..moments…) I feel miserable, and some I am filled with hope, I continue to be kept afloat by prayers from you! My precious loved ones. How can I properly thank you? Perhaps by ending this so you can go on with your day, and hoping that you were entertained by my tale? Sharing it with you lightens my heart, and renews my hopes. I stay in trust, (in between bouts of chronic worrying), and can joyfully say, with my full heart,
“But as for me, it is good to be near God. I have made the Sovereign LORD my refuge, from-grumpy-difficult-apathetic-visa-people; I will tell of all Your deeds, including-miracles-of-contact-with-my-family-at-unlikely-times.” (paraphrased, Lauren-version)
Aaaaay….men.
Thursday, February 18, 2010
Filipino Joke!
The rain is pounding on the rich green jungle plants of Jakarta as the thunder bashes and cackles overhead, and here I am, feeling like the negligent college-student, writing to loved ones with shame over how long it has been. Forgive me?
I have missed this opening of my mind and heart, it is therapeutic, yet I suppose, with the joy and happiness I have felt these past weeks, I suppose the need was not so great. To update those who are confused, I just passed 3 weeks in Manila, Philippines, with Jay and Steph, and then on Saturday, we flew to Jakarta to meet up with Jeff and Allison. So, in essence, I have gone from being a third wheel, to a fifth wheel, from smog to mountain mists, and weird Asian food to.....weird Asian food. :) Most recently, oxtail soup and frog legs have topped the list, and both were surprisingly a pleasure to ingest.
Since you missed these past weeks, I'd like to share some of the Filipino experience with you, and beg you to "para po" (respectfully stop) the business of your day to experience a bit of what I've embraced in Manila!
Jay, Steph and I arrived in Manila over three weeks ago, exhausted from an early flight and the a bus ride into the city. We were met by Techie, the adorable better half of the Torchbearer's Reps in Manila. She is the quirkiest person I've met, the most generous, unabashed, and forceful. Her husband is equally amusing, and lovely to be around. Half the time I didn't know if I was laughing with them or at them, or if they were laughing at me! And I lack the previous cultural experience to determine if it is a Philippine-ism or just a Loy-and-Techie-ism. Nevertheless, they were a blessing to share the time with. In Manila, we had the privilege of teaching two remedial English classes at two different public high schools, three days a week, and then 4 Values classes once a week. It was a fantastic schedule, Steph and I'd leave the house by 8:30, Jeepney for and hour or so, and start teaching by 10. Jeepney to the other school and teach till 1, before stumbling our hot and sweaty bodies (no air conditioning in a class of 30 students) to the nearest mall for a light lunch. The afternoons were blessedly free, for class prep, University applying, or essay writing. We would meet Jay for dinner, and then return to the Guesthouse where we were staying. That was the schedule, and I have to say, I felt so much more at home, more at peace, in the Philippines than I ever did in India. Part of me feels terribly guilty over this admission, for although I never loved India, I learned and grew and became a deeper person there, but this break was a welcome relief for the selfish side of me. Steph and I were free and independent in a city that was safe and traveller-friendly, catching the Jeepney as simple as the wave of your hand and you get to squish into a jeep-type bus that could be holding as many as 15 other jam-packed, sweaty Filipinos. We went and had a make-your-own salad with fresh mango and roasted chicken at least 4 times a week, we splurged for my birthday and had a Thai massage (I never knew I could stretch like that!), we were able to teach a class of over 50 students about God, in a public school, with no restrictions. Part of me feels like the enjoyment I received on this trip was selfish, yet I loved it, and it gave me a fantastic chance to prepare myself for what God has planned for me next year, as well as take on some of the most challenging spiritual questions and discoveries I've ever made.
And yet, let me say, it was not all a bed of roses.........picture this:
Steph and I are teaching our first day of values classes. We have already taught 2, one hour classes, and are sweaty and tired. We enter this third class to find about 48 students crammed into too-few desks, a solitary fan pumping uselessly from the corner, no coverings on the windows, and no moveable door, so the room is open to any and every possible breeze.....and distraction. We begin to introduce ourselves, when suddenly, in the courtyard directly beside our classroom, is host to the school's marching band, as they prepare for an upcoming cheer competition. The soundsystem is blaring, as well as the drums and bells being played directly outside of our window. Soon, we are no longer getting cries of "nosebleed!"(the Filipino idiom depicting their inability to understand the English language), but motions of squinted eyes and ear-pointing, so as to inform us that they are entirely incapable of hearing the words we are screaming at them from a meter away. Don't worry, though, it gets better. It is not a secret that Filipinos love to sing, and LOVE to sing Karaoke. Soon the band practice turns into an opportunity for the students to perform their favorite pop song, be it Josh Groban, to Beyonce. Also, DIRECTLY outside of our classroom. As if our students were not distracted enough, as we resort to sing language to communicate, THEY all love singing, too, and so join their voices in a lovely, LOUD chorus of song, as Steph and I look at each other, and begin to merely laugh as the sweat drips off our upper lips, and the final lines of "You raise me UP!" are blasted into our classroom.
And you thought all this practice at teaching would make me want to join the profession.
But don't worry, all of our classes were not like that. :)
I felt that my time in the Philippines was extremely timely, in that I could make some exciting plans for next year. Through an amazing opportunity, I was also able to experience something that I have dreamed about for a while now. As I felt very led by Jesus to apply for University in the subject of Linguistics (a crazy choice, something I had never before considered, but what was clearly God's direction....dude, when He gives you Bible verses that tell you what major to take, you listen!), a possibility arose for Steph and I to travel to another island in the Philippines to visit a school that I had dreamed about last year. It is called Mercy Maternity Clinic, and is a school for North American girls to become Midwives through a University in the US, with more hands-on experience than most students would get in years of practicums in North America. We flew to Davao on a Saturday morning, and were blessed with 2 days of experience that I will never forget. A friend of a friend welcomed us to stay in the girls' 'dorm' (a BEAUTIFUL home filled with 13 females and a LOT of estrogen :)) and we were able to go with her on shift at the Maternity clinic. My friends, I saw God breathe life into two new human beings. Two baby boys, with mothers younger than I, and was shocked at the entirely.....normal, natural-ness of this feat of Divine+Human nature. I loved it, and surprisingly enough, I also absolutely loved the time we spent doing prenatal clinics with the women that came. I can now, quite effectively, find the position, fundal height, and heartbeat of your baby. It was beyond brilliant to see the light come into each woman's eyes when they first hear the beat of life of the soul that is growing inside them.
So at the end of the weekend, did I want to attend? Well, it is complicated. I am too late to go this next year. It is very difficult to transfer the certificate/degree back into Canada. It is too expensive. Could I spend another two years, minimum, away from my family? I have no answer....and yet a plan is starting to form in my mind. I want to be home next year. I want to go to University. I have so much to experience, and so much love stored up from being away for so long, that I want to pour out onto my friends, family and overflow into any facet I can find. So maybe....I am at home next year. I go to University, and I save up as much as I can in the meantime. I use the time to determine, would the Midwife thing work out? Does God want me there? Does God want me to do missions? And if it is His will, I think about attending the next year. Although....I did celebrate another birthday a few weeks ago....20! I'm feeling old. Time is running out, man! But, one step at a time, I am trusting the Creator to unveil the picture He has for my life.
I was planning to attempt to explain to you my current Spiritual predicament involving the age-old debate over predestination.....but this is getting long. Let's leave it at: I am struggling through it, but hoping that the One who made me, and made doctrine, and is bigger than my confusion and unwaivering opinions. The verse I cling to, still, includes a line that I have to repeat to myself...."lean not on your own understanding"....which is difficult, but leaves me in a place of rest once more.
Dinner is calling...and may I leave you with a piece of joy? I am the new Lion Tamer at the Indonesian Zoo! And I have a picture with me and my friend, the Cheetah, to prove it. Whoever said missions couldn't be fun?
I have missed this opening of my mind and heart, it is therapeutic, yet I suppose, with the joy and happiness I have felt these past weeks, I suppose the need was not so great. To update those who are confused, I just passed 3 weeks in Manila, Philippines, with Jay and Steph, and then on Saturday, we flew to Jakarta to meet up with Jeff and Allison. So, in essence, I have gone from being a third wheel, to a fifth wheel, from smog to mountain mists, and weird Asian food to.....weird Asian food. :) Most recently, oxtail soup and frog legs have topped the list, and both were surprisingly a pleasure to ingest.
Since you missed these past weeks, I'd like to share some of the Filipino experience with you, and beg you to "para po" (respectfully stop) the business of your day to experience a bit of what I've embraced in Manila!
Jay, Steph and I arrived in Manila over three weeks ago, exhausted from an early flight and the a bus ride into the city. We were met by Techie, the adorable better half of the Torchbearer's Reps in Manila. She is the quirkiest person I've met, the most generous, unabashed, and forceful. Her husband is equally amusing, and lovely to be around. Half the time I didn't know if I was laughing with them or at them, or if they were laughing at me! And I lack the previous cultural experience to determine if it is a Philippine-ism or just a Loy-and-Techie-ism. Nevertheless, they were a blessing to share the time with. In Manila, we had the privilege of teaching two remedial English classes at two different public high schools, three days a week, and then 4 Values classes once a week. It was a fantastic schedule, Steph and I'd leave the house by 8:30, Jeepney for and hour or so, and start teaching by 10. Jeepney to the other school and teach till 1, before stumbling our hot and sweaty bodies (no air conditioning in a class of 30 students) to the nearest mall for a light lunch. The afternoons were blessedly free, for class prep, University applying, or essay writing. We would meet Jay for dinner, and then return to the Guesthouse where we were staying. That was the schedule, and I have to say, I felt so much more at home, more at peace, in the Philippines than I ever did in India. Part of me feels terribly guilty over this admission, for although I never loved India, I learned and grew and became a deeper person there, but this break was a welcome relief for the selfish side of me. Steph and I were free and independent in a city that was safe and traveller-friendly, catching the Jeepney as simple as the wave of your hand and you get to squish into a jeep-type bus that could be holding as many as 15 other jam-packed, sweaty Filipinos. We went and had a make-your-own salad with fresh mango and roasted chicken at least 4 times a week, we splurged for my birthday and had a Thai massage (I never knew I could stretch like that!), we were able to teach a class of over 50 students about God, in a public school, with no restrictions. Part of me feels like the enjoyment I received on this trip was selfish, yet I loved it, and it gave me a fantastic chance to prepare myself for what God has planned for me next year, as well as take on some of the most challenging spiritual questions and discoveries I've ever made.
And yet, let me say, it was not all a bed of roses.........picture this:
Steph and I are teaching our first day of values classes. We have already taught 2, one hour classes, and are sweaty and tired. We enter this third class to find about 48 students crammed into too-few desks, a solitary fan pumping uselessly from the corner, no coverings on the windows, and no moveable door, so the room is open to any and every possible breeze.....and distraction. We begin to introduce ourselves, when suddenly, in the courtyard directly beside our classroom, is host to the school's marching band, as they prepare for an upcoming cheer competition. The soundsystem is blaring, as well as the drums and bells being played directly outside of our window. Soon, we are no longer getting cries of "nosebleed!"(the Filipino idiom depicting their inability to understand the English language), but motions of squinted eyes and ear-pointing, so as to inform us that they are entirely incapable of hearing the words we are screaming at them from a meter away. Don't worry, though, it gets better. It is not a secret that Filipinos love to sing, and LOVE to sing Karaoke. Soon the band practice turns into an opportunity for the students to perform their favorite pop song, be it Josh Groban, to Beyonce. Also, DIRECTLY outside of our classroom. As if our students were not distracted enough, as we resort to sing language to communicate, THEY all love singing, too, and so join their voices in a lovely, LOUD chorus of song, as Steph and I look at each other, and begin to merely laugh as the sweat drips off our upper lips, and the final lines of "You raise me UP!" are blasted into our classroom.
And you thought all this practice at teaching would make me want to join the profession.
But don't worry, all of our classes were not like that. :)
I felt that my time in the Philippines was extremely timely, in that I could make some exciting plans for next year. Through an amazing opportunity, I was also able to experience something that I have dreamed about for a while now. As I felt very led by Jesus to apply for University in the subject of Linguistics (a crazy choice, something I had never before considered, but what was clearly God's direction....dude, when He gives you Bible verses that tell you what major to take, you listen!), a possibility arose for Steph and I to travel to another island in the Philippines to visit a school that I had dreamed about last year. It is called Mercy Maternity Clinic, and is a school for North American girls to become Midwives through a University in the US, with more hands-on experience than most students would get in years of practicums in North America. We flew to Davao on a Saturday morning, and were blessed with 2 days of experience that I will never forget. A friend of a friend welcomed us to stay in the girls' 'dorm' (a BEAUTIFUL home filled with 13 females and a LOT of estrogen :)) and we were able to go with her on shift at the Maternity clinic. My friends, I saw God breathe life into two new human beings. Two baby boys, with mothers younger than I, and was shocked at the entirely.....normal, natural-ness of this feat of Divine+Human nature. I loved it, and surprisingly enough, I also absolutely loved the time we spent doing prenatal clinics with the women that came. I can now, quite effectively, find the position, fundal height, and heartbeat of your baby. It was beyond brilliant to see the light come into each woman's eyes when they first hear the beat of life of the soul that is growing inside them.
So at the end of the weekend, did I want to attend? Well, it is complicated. I am too late to go this next year. It is very difficult to transfer the certificate/degree back into Canada. It is too expensive. Could I spend another two years, minimum, away from my family? I have no answer....and yet a plan is starting to form in my mind. I want to be home next year. I want to go to University. I have so much to experience, and so much love stored up from being away for so long, that I want to pour out onto my friends, family and overflow into any facet I can find. So maybe....I am at home next year. I go to University, and I save up as much as I can in the meantime. I use the time to determine, would the Midwife thing work out? Does God want me there? Does God want me to do missions? And if it is His will, I think about attending the next year. Although....I did celebrate another birthday a few weeks ago....20! I'm feeling old. Time is running out, man! But, one step at a time, I am trusting the Creator to unveil the picture He has for my life.
I was planning to attempt to explain to you my current Spiritual predicament involving the age-old debate over predestination.....but this is getting long. Let's leave it at: I am struggling through it, but hoping that the One who made me, and made doctrine, and is bigger than my confusion and unwaivering opinions. The verse I cling to, still, includes a line that I have to repeat to myself...."lean not on your own understanding"....which is difficult, but leaves me in a place of rest once more.
Dinner is calling...and may I leave you with a piece of joy? I am the new Lion Tamer at the Indonesian Zoo! And I have a picture with me and my friend, the Cheetah, to prove it. Whoever said missions couldn't be fun?
Friday, January 22, 2010
Why does God always take me seriously when I make these promises to Him!?!
I should have known. I mean, when you end a blog with "Here I am. Send me." what can you really expect?! I'll tell you what you can expect:
A) Your visa to re-enter India will be denied
B) India will make a new legislation stating that anyone with a tourist visa must wait a minimum of two months before they can re-enter the country
C) God will make you an ITINERARY of the next weeks of your life
So I can't get back into India. Jay called yesterday afternoon from the Indian consulate in Kuala Lumpur to say that there is NO WAY I can get back into India before March 9th, even if I had a visa (and my visa application was denied...what they failed to mention at the Visa office was that you have to wait a min of one month after your visa expires before you can re-apply for another.) So I had some quick decisions to make. Since I was mis-informed about the new policy and everything, they were willing to grant me a transit visa to get me into India for a week and a half, until my visa runs out (Feb 9th), so I can retrieve my stuff (like 80% of my stuff is still there...all I brought to Malaysia was my backpack, a purse, and a mini-duffel), but then I would not be allowed to re-enter until April 9th. However, if I were to stay out for another 6 weeks or so, I would be able to re-apply for my visa and re-enter the country by about March 15.So talking back and forth with Jay and Steph, we came up with a plan, that I think is ultimately God's will, and has come together in a really cool way, even if it means I will have to postpone my return home. (Come on, you're probably so used to me being gone, you won't even miss me! Plus...I'm not really sure I could handle the cold weather...it is 37 degress here!)
So, here goes! This is Jay's proposed plan for me for the next few months:
Jay postpones the flight I had booked to India which flies out on Sunday night with the other interns, and re-books for mid-march. I go with Jay and Steph and the other interns to Singapore so they can catch their flight, and then Jay and Steph and I stay in the the airport overnight to catch our flight the next day (Monday) to....Manila! Since Jay is not allowed back into India either, he and Steph really wanted to stay together, especially after having been apart for so long this past semester. So the three of us will spend three weeks in Metro Manila, working with the torchbearers there, in high schools, teaching english and values, and helping at a student center. We are even planning on heading out to that midwifery school on one of the other islands to visit! Three weeks is as long as we can stay for free, otherwise we'd have to buy visas for a longer visit, so after that we plan to fly to....Jakarta, Indonesia! We will meet Jeff and Allison, who are flying there right now, and be there altogether for a week, while they show us what they have been doing (working in an international school, teaching/assisting teachers). After that first week, Jeff and Allison will fly to the Philippines, and Jay and Steph will take off as well, and I'll be there, staying at a family's house who are friends of Jay and Steph, and brother to the torchbearer reps in Indonesia. A few more weeks there...(I think 3??) and I will fly back to Kuala Lumpur on the ninth of March to re-apply for my Indian visa (it is the best place to get it, in other places I can't necessarily get it). I am giving myself plenty of lee-way for delays, and will probably book my flight for the 18th, just in case. I can stay at Harvest Haven, where I've been for the last two weeks, and help out there as much as possible. Once my visa is cleared I will fly to India, finally!, to go back to Green Valley, and maybe even the orphanage for a few weeks.
Surprised? No more than I am!
My heart is amazingly composed at this point. I can't explain it, but I feel like God was planning this all along. It has all come together so easily, and somehow, I feel like God was working in me beforehand to prepare me. Like I said in my last post....making me ready to go anywhere for Him. And here I am! Lauren and her Best Friend off on another Crazy Adventure to find and love and learn with new people way across the atlas. It's a bigger plan than even my imagination could have come up with. Praise the LORD, my completer, the one who begins a plan with the end already in mind.
Your prayers are needed now more than ever...but fear not, I'm in the best of hands :) Love to you all from this side of the globe...
A) Your visa to re-enter India will be denied
B) India will make a new legislation stating that anyone with a tourist visa must wait a minimum of two months before they can re-enter the country
C) God will make you an ITINERARY of the next weeks of your life
So I can't get back into India. Jay called yesterday afternoon from the Indian consulate in Kuala Lumpur to say that there is NO WAY I can get back into India before March 9th, even if I had a visa (and my visa application was denied...what they failed to mention at the Visa office was that you have to wait a min of one month after your visa expires before you can re-apply for another.) So I had some quick decisions to make. Since I was mis-informed about the new policy and everything, they were willing to grant me a transit visa to get me into India for a week and a half, until my visa runs out (Feb 9th), so I can retrieve my stuff (like 80% of my stuff is still there...all I brought to Malaysia was my backpack, a purse, and a mini-duffel), but then I would not be allowed to re-enter until April 9th. However, if I were to stay out for another 6 weeks or so, I would be able to re-apply for my visa and re-enter the country by about March 15.So talking back and forth with Jay and Steph, we came up with a plan, that I think is ultimately God's will, and has come together in a really cool way, even if it means I will have to postpone my return home. (Come on, you're probably so used to me being gone, you won't even miss me! Plus...I'm not really sure I could handle the cold weather...it is 37 degress here!)
So, here goes! This is Jay's proposed plan for me for the next few months:
Jay postpones the flight I had booked to India which flies out on Sunday night with the other interns, and re-books for mid-march. I go with Jay and Steph and the other interns to Singapore so they can catch their flight, and then Jay and Steph and I stay in the the airport overnight to catch our flight the next day (Monday) to....Manila! Since Jay is not allowed back into India either, he and Steph really wanted to stay together, especially after having been apart for so long this past semester. So the three of us will spend three weeks in Metro Manila, working with the torchbearers there, in high schools, teaching english and values, and helping at a student center. We are even planning on heading out to that midwifery school on one of the other islands to visit! Three weeks is as long as we can stay for free, otherwise we'd have to buy visas for a longer visit, so after that we plan to fly to....Jakarta, Indonesia! We will meet Jeff and Allison, who are flying there right now, and be there altogether for a week, while they show us what they have been doing (working in an international school, teaching/assisting teachers). After that first week, Jeff and Allison will fly to the Philippines, and Jay and Steph will take off as well, and I'll be there, staying at a family's house who are friends of Jay and Steph, and brother to the torchbearer reps in Indonesia. A few more weeks there...(I think 3??) and I will fly back to Kuala Lumpur on the ninth of March to re-apply for my Indian visa (it is the best place to get it, in other places I can't necessarily get it). I am giving myself plenty of lee-way for delays, and will probably book my flight for the 18th, just in case. I can stay at Harvest Haven, where I've been for the last two weeks, and help out there as much as possible. Once my visa is cleared I will fly to India, finally!, to go back to Green Valley, and maybe even the orphanage for a few weeks.
Surprised? No more than I am!
My heart is amazingly composed at this point. I can't explain it, but I feel like God was planning this all along. It has all come together so easily, and somehow, I feel like God was working in me beforehand to prepare me. Like I said in my last post....making me ready to go anywhere for Him. And here I am! Lauren and her Best Friend off on another Crazy Adventure to find and love and learn with new people way across the atlas. It's a bigger plan than even my imagination could have come up with. Praise the LORD, my completer, the one who begins a plan with the end already in mind.
Your prayers are needed now more than ever...but fear not, I'm in the best of hands :) Love to you all from this side of the globe...
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)